Working in hospital epidemiology and infection control in the midst of a pandemic may be one of the most anxiety producing things I’ve ever done. When COVID-19 hit New York City (NYC), I was working for one of the largest academic acute care hospitals in the city. My colleagues and I were not only concerned for our patients, but we were also stretched beyond measure as we considered how the virus would impact us individually and our families. We showed up to work each day, taping off designated COVID units as clean, dirty, and neutral zones to ensure staff knew where they could wear their personal protective equipment and where it needed to be doffed [removed]. We were educating staff with the most up to date information that we received from New York State Department of Health and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) sometimes twice a day. Just to turn around the next day and retract or add new guidelines. It was daunting, caused a lack of trust, and burnout. As COVID-19 was considered “novel” meaning new or emerging, it was expected that information would evolve, but this did not change the fact that staff were still expected to show up and provide the best care they could within the circumstances. Intensive Care Units were double bedded, our emergency department was always at capacity, and makeshift patient rooms were created. 

I was already planning to move back to California prior to the pandemic. So, when a position opened up for me in Los Angeles, I took the opportunity without a question. Perhaps, part of me thought it wouldn’t be as bad as NYC was the epicenter. However, work stress and expectations remained high as we entered the 2020 holiday season which caused an increase in COVID-19 cases, hospitalizations, and deaths.  It soon became apparent that COVID-19 was not leaving.  So, I decided to be intentional about creating time to pause in the midst. Pausing during my workday varied by the day but consisted of different actions such as going for mindful walk, sitting in darkness in my office with calm music playing in the background, eating lunch without rushing, or choosing to stop working when I reached my limit. By taking these pauses, I honor me. I honor that I’m human and can only do so much. I honor and affirm that sacred pauses are a form of self-love.  And, as I love and honor me, I can be love and honor others. I don’t think anyone has “rest” down. Each day poses new challenges and opportunities to cultivate what rest will look like for you that day. Each day is enough for today. There will always be more. So, pause and rest. 

Peace to you,
Kris