A person’s gift opens door for him Proverbs 18:16 CSB
Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. James 1:17 MSG
“You are the light of the world. A city situated on a hill cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and puts in under a basket, but rather on a lampstand, and it gives light for all who are in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16 CSB
“Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
Imposter syndrome, the cousin of fear. The negative mindset that spews lies that I’m not enough, don’t have enough, and will be exposed as a fraud. Imposter syndrome has come up in my life in my career, intimate relationships, and now in my pursuit of entrepreneurship.
In the beginning of my public health career, I feared public speaking. I feared that everyone in the room would think I didn’t know what I was talking about or didn’t have the experience or knowledge despite having done the research and prepared. The anxiety would come up whether it was 2 or 100 people. In the beginning, to reduce my chances of “failing”, I would literally practice the same presentation hundreds of times. So much so, I’d memorize all my speakers notes. Then if I got distracted during the presentation, my whole presentation would be thrown off. Well, at least I “believed” that. All I feared would bombard my mind. My voice would crack, heart would start pounding, and my fight or flight response would kick in full force. Literally, there were times where I had the conscious thought of “Ok girl, run out of here!” or “If you just hang up this Zoom conference call, you can just say you lost internet service”. Can you relate? My goodness.
Part of me wants to laugh as I read the above thoughts, but in the moment, this was no laughing matter. Fear paralyzed me, caused immense physical and emotional stress, and anxiety. And, if I’m honest, it wasn’t warranted. At the end of the presentation, I’d hear how “strong and natural of a command” I have over the room, how “well-organized” my talk was, and “how I have the ability to “connect”. I am keenly aware that public speaking is one of my God given gifts. Perhaps, this is why this is my area of attack. As much as I have tried to run from it, it’s almost like it finds me. Honestly, I still do get a little anxiety when speaking in front of people. The anxiety is there but I don’t give it power. I acknowledge the fear and and show up anyway. That’s the point, to show up no matter what.
Our gifts are light and our good works are to be seen. These good works can only be seen when we’re in motion and utilize our gifts authentically and boldly.
Currently, I’m navigating a new level of imposter syndrome as I step out and pursue entrepreneurship as a lifestyle wellness coach. I’m like do I have what is takes? Should I take another class? Should I do this or that? And, the answer is “I-AM enough because He is enough and has equipped me with gifts to carry out His purpose for me.” Perhaps you may relate if you feel a deep yearning to step outside of your comfort zone and walk boldly in a new arena. Key word, new. And, with new things there’s an unknown and uncertainty. Everything you need is already in you. It may need to be refined, but it’s there. And, when He whispers “It’s time”, we just have to move. The fear is there, but we can rely on these simple truths extracted from the Word:
My friend, I pray that God shows you your gifts, despite the fear you show up any way, that your gifts shine brighter than the sun, and that they bring glory to Him.
Peace to you,
Kris